A fourteen-year old freshman at The Ursuline School in New Rochelle took her own life last night amidst reports that she was distraught over being bullied at the school.
Eira Fatima Maghuyop died at her home in Yonkers.
UPDATE:(Feb 3 9:16 AM): Fox-5 is reporting that Yonkers PD has issued a statement that Maghuyop was not bullied. WSBT-11 is reporting that Yonkers PD said they have not seen any concrete evidence that bullying was a factor in the death. Calls to YPD by Talk of the Sound have not yet been returned, they will be sending a formal statement to Talk of the Sound today.
UPDATE:(Feb 1 5:10 PM) In a meeting led by school principal Eileen Davidson, parents were told that the school was informed by the Yonkers Police Department as to what had happened, that YPD called because it was already all over Facebook, that the school was asked to provide information about her day that day and her state of mind. Parents were told that Maghuyop had a normal day and appeared happy, that there was no history of bullying or any bullying incident reported that day, that she had already laid out her clothes for the next day. Parents were told there was a note, that the note mentioned bullying but that there was a specific, dominant reason cited in Maghuyop’s note.
Asked for a statement, an unidentified employee at The Ursuline School said the school had no comment.
UPDATE (Feb 1 5:45 PM) The Ursuline School Issues Statement on Recent Tragedy
Sources with knowledge of the investigation tell Talk of the Sound that detectives from the Yonkers Police Department removed Maghuyop’s computer from the house.
Parents tell Talk of the Sound a grief counselor is at the school. Messages on Post-it notes, written by her schoolmates, now adorn Maghuyop’s school locker.
UPDATE (Feb 1 2:45 PM): Sources tell Talk of the Sound that Maghuyop left a note, that it was specific and that it appeared to point towards bullying.
UPDATE (Feb 1 3:00 PM): The Ursuline School is holding a special meeting for parents at the school at 3:30 PM today so parents can hear directly from school officials as to what occurred, what is being done to comfort the family of the victim, as well as students and staff, and get answers to questions parents may have.
There has been an outpouring of grief on the Internet.
Currently, my whole school, The Ursuline School, is in complete mourning. Every single girl is in shock, and every single girl has been crying for HOURS. Literally THOUSANDS of girls and guys are effected by her decision to kill herself. We will ALL miss her so much. Forever a koala, forever in our hearts!
I was angry at the girls who did this to her, but most of all, I was angry with myself because I spent all day being selfish and feeling sorry for myself when an innocent girl was thinking about committing suicide and no one even knew.
Bullying is a serious issue. It needs to stop. NO ONE is perfect. Our society needs to stop being so judgmental and try to understand what others are going through.
In her, Tumblr Site Eira Maghuyop describes herself as 100% Filipino and a Justin Bieber fan. Her Facebook site lists her interests as Lady Gaga, Beyonce, and Degrassi: The Next Generation among others.
Friends of Eira Maghuyop have created a Facebook page: R.I.P. Eira Maghuyop Like if your against bullying
Eira Fatima Maghuyop
Our hearts go out to the Maghuyop family with deepest sympathy.
No child of any age should ever feel that desperate that they want to take their lives because others find it fun to be cruel.
Bullying is serious and must stop. We are saddened that Eira didn’t know that there was help out there for her and saddened for her family’s great and tragic loss.
And for every bully who thinks it’s cool to be a bully –think again. The damage you have caused cannot be undone.
With prayers to the family,
Ross Ellis
Founder and Chief Executive Officer
STOMP Out Bullying
http://www.stompoutbullyng.org
Eira Is Raising Awareness (her name says it all)
Its sad to see some of the remarks posted which are pointing fingers and placing blame. My daughter is an Ursuline freshman and was one of Eiras close friends. Eiras family has already confirmed that Eira loved Ursuline and that her death was not due to anything relating to Ursuline or its students. I have attached a link to share some photos of Eira with her Ursuline sisters. Ursuline and Eiras family and friends are grieving a loss. A loss which is being felt by EVERYONE. Let them grieve and avoid assuming or placing blame. https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.376885002327314.107982.100000174525439&type=3&l=f6255a6ca3
There is Actually Much Love Here for Eira
Elizabeth, I cannot find too much here that points the finger of blame. I see love for this tragically lost child, a community of students who rightly and strongly defend, and little else.
Eira rests in the arms of our Lord. I am sure many people of which I am one pray for her, her family, her friends.
The great philosopher and theologian Paul Tillich reminds us that God is accepting, welcoming and loving. I have no doubt of that and no doubt where Eira is as I write this.
Perhaps this site provides a catharsis for students and the community alike to express the pain that any right thinking and feeling person must experience at this loss. You and the other parents of Ursuline do all of us honor by your words and now I hope we all can take a moment to reflect on this sad moment.
Bless you, the parents, students and faculty of this fine institution.
Elizabeth, I don’t see much in the way of pointing fingers or blame here. I see and feel despair, sadness and loss. Actually it is good to see the young people, her classmates, her friends having a chance to ventilate, to express their anger, and strong defense of their school and this does great honor and show love for their lost classmate.
The parents have also been loving, angry, strong… all proper emotions at a time of tragic loss. Why search further for reasons, it is so, so unnecessary especially based on the heartfelt testimony of the young ladies at Ursuline.
Prayer, memories, a loss of innocence, the oft-tragic realities of the world have leapt out and wounded the children, their families, the faculty, the community.
It is time for reflection, prayer, even celebration of the memory of a loved friend. Their recollections that they shared with us tell me that she was loved. That is enough.
But, we cannot forget her family and these youngsters. It is time for both prayer and certainty. And the certainty is best expressed by a great theologian, Paul Tillich who tells us simply that we and that means Eira, is accepted, she is united with her Father, her God, our God.
Bless each and everyone of you and lets remember her in prayer, memory and the knowledge that a piece of her spirit occupies every heart in Ursuline and elsewhere here.
Ursuline is a great institution and each student, each child reading this should reflect not only on Eira and her family but our her family as so many have come forward during this sad, sad period.
Bless you dear Eira and rest.
Thank You.
Beautifully stated.
Stop hate
Regardless of the reasons for her death, the fact that a 14-year-old girl felt that she had no other option but to take her own life is a sad thing indeed.
We should take this time to remember that life is short and not to take anyone for granted.
By sitting here and pointing fingers, in essence bullying the author of this post for saying Eira was bullied, will not make the situation a better one. To those who knew her, I am so sorry for your loss. To those who didn’t, take this opportunity to be kind to someone today.
Regardless of the reasons
Well said. Hopefully your words will resonate and people will take the time to extend kindness.
read it and weep.
it wasn’t
read it and weep.
it wasn’t bullying.
http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/all/bullying-drove-yonkers-teen-to-suicide-friends-say-20120202
Bullying
where does it say that it wasn’t bullying?? Oh wait you must have gone to Ursuline go figure.
CLARIFICATION
You ask “where does it say that it wasn’t bullying??”
It says it THIRD PARAGRAPH DOWN AND THIRD SENTENCE IN. IT SAYS VERY CLEARLY THAT AFTER INVESTIGATING POLICE STATE THAT BULLYING IS NOT THE CASE. OH WAIT YOU MUST HAVE NOT CLICKED ON LINK AND READ WHAT WAS WRITTEN. EVIDENTLY YOU DON’T GO TO URSULINE….. GO FIGURE.
I am a parent of a child who goes to Ursuline and I have read the posts and I am all for Freedom of speech and voicing your opinions when it is done in a responsible manner. A precious life has been lost and many people are grieving the loss including a school of fellow classmates and friends who are trying to come to terms with this. Its amazing how many insensitive people exist who choose to post without thinking.
Your CLARIFICATION
That’s because the link you click on is updated at first it did say it was from being bullied, and now it says “NOW SAYING”
“Yonkers police are now saying that a teenager who committed suicide was not bullied.”
All the news outlets were saying it was from being Bullied and have since updated the reports.
A Vulgar display
I tried not to comment but feel I must. My daughter attends Ursuline. She too initially told us that she read about the bullying report. She then told us that she talked to girls that were friends with the girl in school and that she wasn’t bullied there, maybe it was in her neighborhood.
My daughter told me the other night that “those 9th grade girls can be tough” not meaning this particular 9th grade but all 9th grade classes in general. My daughter started Urusline in 9th grade and had a tough year. Many of the girls started in 6th grade. It’s hard to make new friends in a new school but after the first year she joined some clubs, started cheerleading and loves the school very much. There is a big difference between the usual things we all went through and the type of bullying that would make a person take their own life. However, the comments made by many here were not about bullying, it was taking pleasure in casting stones at Ursuline and the parents and students. There’s a sick tone in the posts. I don’t know if it’s jealousy, hatred for what they perceive as an elitist school, if they can’t afford it or whatever it may be, but it’s not normal. If we can take anything out of this tragedy it’s you never know what is going through someone’s head, child or adult. I hope those of you that were quick to sling mud feel better for putting others down. It’s much easier to be nice than miserable. This entire thread is the epitome of ignorance. peace.
Thank You Tom
Well said and happy you added your voice. I have taught children entering a key transition period in school; most pronounced usually is the 6th or 9th depending on the system. You understand this for what it is and what it is not.
Ursuline is a jewel in the crown of New Rochelle. My heart still aches for this loss, for the pain of family, parents, classmates and others. I have avoided my own anger and outrage out of respect for those who bear more than someone who is not closely involved in this tragic situation.
I will never understand the motivation of people who use this as an opportunity to vent their own miserable agenda. What the hell does it take to realize a beautiful life is no longer among us. Christ I would like to smack the living hell out of them. But, that would also be a disservice to this tragic family, mourning children and parents.
I stumbled in my thoughts to Elizabeth yesterday but let me repeat just several words — Elizabeth, the vast majority of people on TOTS and in New Rochelle feel, pray, and mourn for the loss of a precious life. Pain is part of life, but not the pain inflicted by people who are too stupid, cruel or heartless to feel it.
My hope for the parents and faculty of Ursuline is that they pull together by first mourning then celebrating the presence, albeit short, of Eira. My hope for the young ladies attending this fine school is that they are not too hurt, too confused, too sad to let the words of a few take away from the love of the many. Rest in peace Eira
What An A$$
What a stupid and careless remark Horrifield, have a little respect, and show some kindness in the face of this tragedy!!!!!!!
Please stop.
Whether Roberts information is correct or incorrect, you people shouldn’t be arguing with him. You should be taking the time to mourn and understand a young lady has passed. No one really knows if she was bullied at home or at school, so just let it be and support her family and friends. R.I.P young lady may god be with you and the prayers from us all as well.
Bullying
The unfortunate truth is that bullying occurs in all schools, and when we close our eyes to it and make statements like “it doesn’t happen in our school” we are turning our back on potentially making a real difference. Today’s bullying is less obvious and easily goes unnoticed, it’s all about being singled out through exclusion. In a culture, that puts so much emphasis on how many facebook friends you have and how many people “like” your comment, we are truly losing sight on the important things like respect and empathy.
Rejoice in Her Life
I will continue to pray for Eira, her family, and her friends.
This world can be a fierce place to live in and speaking simply for myself, I would rather dwell on the loss of this young lady and I am convinced that she had lots of friends who cared for her, who mourn her loss and somehow will get through this and
remember her and help this excellent school be even brighter and stronger and that is a fitting legacy.
In the not too distant past I was blessed to volunteer to teach ESL to adults and this was led by sisters of the Ursuline order. They were a comfort to me and I am sure a comfort to you.
Be strong and God Bless
get your facts straight
The girls of the Ursuline School have been mourning for the past few days. It has been hard for everyone, especially the freshman class. Posting things like this and saying things like it is ridiculous for her to not have been bullied at Ursuline is what is just making it harder on us. Does it not cross your mind to be considerate at all? This family just lost a daughter, sister, niece, and cousin. The students have just lost a fellow classmate and friend. The class of 2015 has lost a sister. The teachers have lost a student. All you are doing is playing the blame game and pointing fingers. Does that help? Would it kill you to say a prayer once and a while for this family? Be a bit sympathetic in the next article you write.
thank you.
all a disappointment…
it’s quite disappointing when the focus is not that a young teen has taken their life, but the cause, the cause is unknown, to determine whether their was bullying or their was not, or to determine whether it was in or not within the ursuline school is irrelevant. the focus on the importance of the situation, whether it was or was not bullying, a child has taken their life at the expense of a tragic event happening in her life. where or how it started is irrelevant as much as it is important for us on earth to know the answers to these questions. it’s tragic that she’s gone, it’s tragic that she felt the need to take her life, and it’s even more tragic that we’ve focused the concern on defending people whom may or may not be innocent. the focus should be redirected toward whom it matters most, “EIRA FATIMA MAGHUYOP”. This hurts many people and whether it is a result of bullying or not, no one should state whether it did or didn’t happen, until the true facts are uncovered. this time should be towards honoring her memory, and not arguing over pointless matters as to whether the school or people within the school are or are not to blame.
Lies
You honestly sound idiotic. You don’t know what your even talking about. Her parents stated that eira loved ursuline and never commited suicide because of bullying FROM ursuline. Please get your facts straight before posting lies about others on this blog and trying to make ursuline look bad.
This whole article is a BIG
This whole article is a BIG FAT LIE. Not about the suicide, but about the story behind it. There is ABSOLUTELY NO evidence that she was bullied at Ursuline, and she loved Ursuline, and she was in three extra curricular clubs that she completely enjoyed. She also had many friends that she would have talked to if she was being bullied. The Koalas here are all mourning the loss of Eira, and this lie of a story just makes the pain worse because of all the false rumors floating around. Also, bullying is not the only reason for suicide. I think that this article should be completely rewritten with only what is known and can be proven, and not half made up so that it makes a better story.
*robert
if you are a reporter
*robert
if you are a reporter or writer you should be starting with the FACTS, you have such a biased attitude. why don’t you show some compassion and actually try and attempt to be civil, stop penalizing the Ursuline school if you would read the FACTS she LOVED Ursuline, so why don’t do try and be civil and polite to the girls at Ursuline!!!
Here are a few facts…
This tragedy is very upsetting for everyone and so I can understand why you wanted to post this comment.
As noted elsewhere, I attended Iona Prep. My daughter, wife, sister and sister-in-law all attended Ursuline. My wife’s aunt taught at Ursuline for many years and I have been family and friends who have attended Ursuline or have their kids there now. If I had a bias here it would be the opposite of what you suggest. I live nearby and sympathetic to concerns of the Ursuline community.
At the same time, this is a major news story and our reporting, while uncomfortable and unsettling for many, including myself and my family, is entirely accurate.
This is NOT completely accurate. AT ALL.
There is no evidence to even insinuate that she was bullied. Also, if I were you, I would act educated and not listen to the news, they just blow stories completely out of proportion, and add false facts to make it more interesting.
Choose Your words carefully
Enough. Please, Robert. You are missing the entire point. You wrote that it happened at the school. This has not been proven no matter how many links you provide us. It was not a responsible statement to make. And it has hurt a lot of already grieving people.
If you ended the line with “reports said she was bullied” and did not name the school as the venue, there would be no need for this endless chain of justification. Your affiliations with Ursuline and Iona have nothing to do with anything.
Enough. Let’s keep the focus on praying for Eira’s family.
what I wrote…
I wrote “amidst reports that she was distraught over being bullied at the school.” There ARE reports that she was bullied at the school.
She was never bullied at the
She was never bullied at the school, Yonkers police announced today that she was not bullied by anyone at Ursuline, get you facts straight! If you do not believe me call the Yonkers Police and ask!!!
“Amidst Reports”
What reports are amidst? Where did these reports amidst from? Facebook?
confirm the facts.
“took her own life last night amidst reports that she was distraught over being bullied at the school ”
What reports confirm that she was bullied at the school. As of your last update there is no confirmed reports of any problems at the school. If you can’t show where these “amidst reports” are coming from, then it would be the right thing to do to remove any reference to “she was distraught over being bullied at the school” from your article.
Try News 12
http://www.news12.com/articleDetail.jsp?articleId=306205&position=1&news_type=news
Here’s another article:
http://theloopny.com/blog/ursuline-suicide-reportedly-tied-to-bullying/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheLoopRssFeed+%28theLoop%29
Please read the article
I did not say there were CONFIRMED reports. I accurately reported that there are reports that she was bullied at school which is the case. I have provided links to some of those reports. There are many of them. They are not hard to find.
It is a tragic situation. It is certainly sad if some people are seeking to blame Ursuline or all of the students at Ursuline for what happened because of these reports that bullying occurred at the school. I am aware that this has been happening. That does not change the fact that there are these reports.
It is quite possible that we will never really know what happened here but if the Yonkers PD reaches any
concussions conclusions and makes them known we will report that too.What reports
“I accurately reported that there are reports that she was bullied at school which is the case. I have provided links to some of those reports. There are many of them”
Are you saying that someone on a social media page reports that she was bullied at school is a credible source? Many posts to the social media pages are from people who don’t know the facts and are making an assumption. There have been no official reports of her being bullied at school. If you have a credible source please share it with us.
Are you confusing The Ursuline School in New Rochelle with the New Rochelle High School? There have been many documented incidents of bullying at NRHS and the administration did nothing but turn a blind eye to what was right in front of them.
Unless you have credible facts you are only sensationalizing your blog.
no need
Given the tragic nature of this situation, there is no need to sensationalize anything.
If you want to go down the path of claiming that bullying does not occur at The Ursuline School at all then I am going to have to take issue with that because I know that not to be the case.
If you were present yesterday afternoon at the school, you would know that the school has acknowledged that there was a note that suggested a bullying issue, that YPD is looking at that, as we reported and as did News 12. There are some reports that the bullying involved people from her school. This is what we have reported. We have not taken on a position on whether or not bullying occurred or the source just that this is the information that we are getting at this time.
Again, if new information becomes available we will publish that information.
I was at the meeting
These reports that you are publishing without credible proof are tearing the students apart. They are trying to heal and you are ripping the wound wider with your “amidst reports”.
Please remove your Facebook journalism.
Learn English.
“if the Yonkers PD reaches any concussions”? Really? Learn English and at least re-read your comments before you post them.
fixed
concussions conclusionsRidiculous
Angry Koala you seem to have a lot of anger issues and in a round about way you yourself are being a bully you seem to be losing sight of the fact that a poor innocent girl has committed suicide and all you seem to care about is making sure that precious Ursuline does not get blamed. Your comments make me so happy that I decided not to send my girls to Ursuline, especially since angry bullies like you come out of it!
Horrified at Horrifield
I respect your opinion but I do not respect the manner in which you are expressing your feelings. You don’t seem to be aware that you are placing blame. You say the “Angry Koala” seems to have lost sight of the issue here. But it is you who have lost sight of the issue. The facts are that a precious life was lost, a family is grieving a great loss, classmates and friends within the Ursuline community are trying to come to terms with the loss of a fellow koala. Children and young women are faced with dealing with the grieving process at a young age. Something which adults have difficulty processing. And here you are making it so much easier for these children to grieve this death. You have the nerve to chastise “angry koala” by referring to her as a bully when in fact you are the only one who seems to be asserting a negative attitude which could be called bullying. Then to validate even further your bad judgement you go on to state that you are happy that you decided not to send your girls to Ursuline “especially since angry bullies like” angry koala “like her come out of it” Well let me say that if indeed your daughters had the opportunity to attend Ursuline and you chose not to send them then they have missed a wonderful opportunity to become part of an institution which promotes and builds upon strong family values. I am blessed that my daughter has the opportunity to be part of the Ursuline community, a school which teaches the same values that I have instilled in my daughter which do not include bullying in any manner. I am secure in knowing that what she is taught at home is being continued in school. Whereas you have made clear by your posts and replies to evident grieving students that adults are not immune to making insensitive statements which are not well thought out and stated in a manner in which displays the writers bullying tendencies. I am proud to see that the replies I have read from Ursuline students have been so mature. They have displayed their maturity during a time that is obviously difficult for them to process. A maturity which is clear that some of the adults on this forum have not displayed. Our children look to us as adults to set an example. Let us not lose site of the fact that a life was lost.
Choose your words carefully
Robert-
This is a tragedy. Why must you grandstand “‘amidst reports’ she was distraught over being bullied at the school”. There are no facts to support this accusation and the family will be struggling with “why” for the rest of their lives.
Why not show some respect for Elra, her family and the school instead of beefing up your story with buzz words and cliches to fuel your blog. This makes you a bit of a bully yourself. Go say a prayer.
why shoot the messenger?
These stories need to get out
Folks need to hear about this sadness to be able to ‘say a prayer’
try to open discussions with others who feel attacked
to try to develop better ways to cope (and in case no one has told you yet bullies do NOT go away when you try to ignore them and too many adults do not do a thing when you report it)
but most importantly –
because maybe, just maybe – the PARENTS OF THE BULLIES will get a clue and pay attention to what their kids are doing
maybe just maybe the bullies will step up and take responsibility for their actions and how they contributed to this horrible event
Don’t let her death be in vain because you have some issue with the reporter.
Bullies don’t sprout up like weeds.
carefully chosen
Please know that I attended Iona Prep. My daughter, wife, sister and sister-in-law all attended Ursuline. I live nearby and sympathetic to your concerns and those of others who have contact me. This tragedy is very upsetting for everyone and so I can understand why you posted this comment.
There have been numerous claims of bullying linked to this case. There is an ongoing police investigation which is looking into cyber-bullying issues. Her computer was removed from the home. Her classmates are posting on the web about bullying.
Channel 12 News is like reporting:Police: Bullying likely led to teen’s suicide
I did not write that bullying happened or implicated anyone, anywhere. I do not know why the Yonkers PD took her computer into evidence. Bullying may not have involved anyone from Ursuline or anyone you know and yet still have occurred.
Please note that what I have written that the death has been linked to bullying that bullying, definitively occurred. That is entirely accurate. Whether that is proven as a matter of law enforcement will be determined by the Yonkers PD. When the police complete their investigation we will publish whatever information they provide.
i currently go to the
i currently go to the ursuline school and Eira was in my grade. We were friendly and i can honestly say that Eira was not bullied at our school. its been a crazy day and we are all mourning this horrific loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to her family. She was one of the nicest people I’ve ever meet and she was always smiling. She had lots of friends and to the very best of my knowledge was never bullied at the ursuline school.
xoxocovergirl
being bullied
xoxocovergirl
being bullied does not have to be only at the school one goes to now
it often starts much much earlier
though there may have also been issues that became the ‘final straw’
May God comfort you and all who are saddened by Eira’s passing.
What the hell?
My mother and her two sisters attended The Ursuline School, as did my sister. However, that was in the days when the discipline code at a Catholic school would not have tolerated bullying, by anybody, for about ten minutes. You would soon find yourself in the school offices with your parents. After the discipline you received from the Director of Students, and whatever else your parents applied on top of that, it took the steam out of any further ideas about bullying some other kid in school.
But that was back in the day when Catholic principles, including discipline, were not the scorn of everyday society ( see Obama’s recent decision to completely disregard catholic principles on abortion and contraception in this ObamaCare regulations fiasco, as example #1) and parents weren’t as interested in those days, in being one of your “friends”, as in being the very first line of instruction on how the world works and where your place in it is going to be, as far as values you learned at home were concerned.
Tormenting another fellow student was never one of the values we learned in my house, or in the Catholic classrooms I attended for twelve years. But then, that seems like a totally different country from where I sit today.
Let’s not pass this off as having something to do with social media or internet access, or texting on your kids i-phone.
As if that’s the problem here.
What the hell are our children learning at home, and in the hours spent in a Catholic school, in one of the most affluent neighborhoods in America?
Rest in Peace
Nothing we see, hear, or read will be sadder or more of a terrible waste than the loss of life of this young lady.
My heart goes out to her family and her friends in and out of school.
Rest in the lap of God and in peace.
In Memory of Eira Maghuyop
Bullying is an evident problem everywhere…. today should be spent mourning, reflecting, and respecting the memory of a friend. It should not be spent pointing fingers, placing blame, arguing, fighting or disrespecting the memory of a beautiful young girl who was obviously dealing with the effects of bullying. Respect her memory by awareness, and extending kindness to others. Eira Maghuyop was a close friend of my daughter … she and her classmates and friends and the ursuline community are grieving a loss of a friend….respect the family and her memory by behaving in a manner which reflects kindness.
Today is the day for many things
Prayer, counseling, trying to be of support – trying to find answers too
Our respect should be as least as active as it would be if we heard the family lost a beloved pet to some wrong doer.
Our respect should also help us spot possible copy cat instances – opening channels to talk about all that is known and the theories for the yet to be known parts.
Loss of a beloved pet???
“Our respect should be as least as active as it would be if we heard the family lost a beloved pet to some wrong doer.”
Your saying that has left me speechless.
No disrespect to anyone who has suffered a loss
I had to read your post several times and am floored that in your scale of respect that you would compare the loss of a child to the loss of a pet. =(