In front of the dead-bolted front doors of City Hall, a visibly shaken Noam Bramson addressed a somber crowd.
"Today we mourn the loss of a great friend and leader: Kim Jong-Il. The fair and evenhanded manner by which this great statesmen presided over his constitutents serves as a model for me, here in New Rochelle. This is a devastating loss for the world and I can only hope to continue his great work through my dealings in local government."
The excerpt from Bramson's speech came shortly before he broke down in tears at the loss of his friend and mentor. Few people have had as much influence over the mayor's stylistic approach to leadership as the North Korean dictator, and the loss being felt by Noam Bramson was evident from the first words he uttered.
Bramson and Kim Jong-Il became fast friends when they met on a weekend camping trip specifically coordinated to stroke the egos of megalomaniacal narcissists. The mentor/apprentice relationship was further cemented when Noam Bramson visited North Korea and delivered a stirring address (pictured below) propping up the importance of doing exactly as the dear leader says.
Bramson brought this systematic destruction of democracy back to the United States and has fully worked its every angle in New Rochelle.
Ever the friendly and benevolent chap, Kim Jong-Il was eager to return the favor and promptly accepted a personal invitation to visit the Queen City of the Sound and to address Bramson's loyal subjects.
Upon a personal invitation from the mayor himself, the visit to Westchester county was one of Kim Jong-Il's last official missions of diplomacy to the western hemisphere. His majestic oratory performance left an awed crowd inspired and helped Noam impose the dictatorial rule of law that he holds to this current day.
Bramson closed his magnificent speech by saying:
"Today we mourn a legendary leader and, on a personal level, the biggest political inspiration I have ever, nay, will ever know. In closing, I offer only my prayers and know that your legacy will live on every day I hold power in this city. 친애하는 지도자 살인 심장 마비"